Counting my blessings!!

Something really scary happened today, and I am totally counting my blessings because of it.

So long story short I only got about 2 hours of sleep last night, so I was super tired and on edge today. I was planning on walking to the library with my kids today, and wanted to get out of the house no later than 10:00. I had it in my mind if I was even one minute late I was going to be mad. As soon as I was walking out the door I looked at the clock and it was 10:01.   Lets just say I was a little flustered.

I got the kids in the stroller and as soon as I was walking down my driveway there was a bad car accident right where I would have been if I was on time. I kid you not, I would have been hit. A girl totally ran the stop sign and hit another car and ran up on the sidewalk.

I am so lucky that I was one minute behind! After that happened I took a deep breath and felt relieved that we weren't there. I can't imagine if I was hit. There is no doubt that we would have died if not been SERIOUSLY injured.

So please don't forget how precious life is!!! Things can happen in an instant! Someone was watching out for us today.

On another note, The past 2 nights have SUCKED! Keagan started waking up again, and I don't know why. Last night was the worst. He woke up at 2:30 and didn't stop crying till 3. Not even 30 seconds after he stopped crying Bryton woke up. From 3 to 6 she woke up 5 times. I would go in there, put her to bed, then as soon as I got back in bed she would wake up again. Over and over. Finally at like 6:30 I had had enough, I was just going to bring her in bed with me, and as soon as I stepped foot in our door she FREAKED out. And doing so, she woke Keagan up. I didn't get to bed till 12 that night, so I only had 2 and half hours of sleep.

Can I just tell you I am TIRED!!! As soon as I am done typing, off to bed I go! 

I am really hoping I can get some sleep and have a good day tomorrow!

Fresh air!

Man, it is hard to get on every night and write about the day. I am trying though, so sorry if I miss a few here and there. It just means nothing really happened so I don't have much to write about.

Saturday was great, we got up and went for another walk. My legs and feet were killing me, so we just walked that time. I love getting out! Oh it feels great. Sunday, went by fast, nothing happens on Sunday. Church is at a terrible time so it makes the days go to fast and I can't enjoy them. 

Today, Rachel, Jackson, and Maddie came over to play. When I told Keagan that Jack was coming over, he starting yelling, JACKSON, JACKSON, WHERE ARE YOU???? You come play with me!! It was to sweet. They love each other!! So fun to see them play.

I also have been able to keep the house really clean and keep the laundry going!! YAY! On Sunday night I was looking around my house, and just thought.... Oh no, I really need to clean, if I don't clean tomorrow it will be a mess. So I got up and cleaned cleaned cleaned! I love the feeling of a clean house! It was a little rainy outside so I opened the windows and let the fresh clean air in, oh I love it!!! How come a kitchen floor can't stay clean? It SUCKS! I sweep it 3-4 times a day and I still walk in there and feel crumbs on my feet!!! I just finished cleaning it and went and sat on my couch, Keagan was playing in the kitchen and I hear a CRASH I look up and he dumped Bryton's tray of cheerios and gold fish all over the floor, then he steps on them! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!! No wonder my floor can't stay clean!!!

Oh well, it is clean now, and it isn't even 9 and I am hitting the sack!! Yay for early bed!!!

Running

I ran/walked another 3 miles today. Go me!!!  I was able to run a little longer today, but man... I have a long way to go. Hopefully I will be able to run the whole way without slowing before summer is over.

Keagan was a grump today. I don't know what it was, but he wasn't happy. We went to the museum, a park, and then the run. So you would think he would have been happy, but nope. He was getting into trouble right and left.

While we were at the park, there was a couple other Mom's with their kids hanging out. There were two sitting right next to Rachel and I, and one of their sons threw sand at another kid. And instead of explaining that isn't nice, and having them apologize, and maybe sitting in a time out. She yelled at him, ran over and grabbed him, and forced to him sit on her lap while restating him. He was freaking out. (He was maybe 2) She kept telling him he is "nuts, and crazy for doing that" I kind of sat there in shock. Yeah, I have gotten mad at Keagan, yeah, I have yelled at him, yeah, I have held his arms down. But she was over the top. I really wanted to tell her; look if you talk to your kid in a calm voice and explain what he is doing wrong, he will listen. That is one of the big things I have learned. The more calm you are, the more calm your kids will be. And holding his legs, arms, and head down is just going to make them want out and scream and kick to try to get away. I don't know what she was trying to accomplish. He also tried to talk to her and she just told him to "be quiet!" She wouldn't even listen to what he was trying to say. It made me really sad. Another thing that really scared me, she threatened him by saying, "Do you want me to call your father?" And he would try to stop crying, and that just made me think that he is terrified of him. And I don't think ANY kid should be scared of their parents.

It just made me want to push even harder to become a better Mom, I don't want people looking at me like I looked at that lady. I really felt bad for her child. She is missing out on an amazing relationship. Keagan and I have become better friends, and I am loving it!!

I am off to sleep, I have another 3 miles waiting for me tomorrow!!!

Blisters

So, becoming a better Mom, to me also being in shape, and being healthy. And I am neither of those at the moment. I have been depressed about my weight for a really long time, but never could stick with working out at home. Never had the money to work out at the gym. I didn't have a running stroller, and I couldn't leave the kids with Chuck (because he has to study) So I was hating life. So last night my amazing husband got me a double jogging stroller. I went on this amazing trail pretty close to my house and we walked/ran for almost 3 miles. It felt GREAT!

I started a challenge with some girls online to see who can loose the weight the fastest, and now with my stroller I am more determined then EVER! I will get this weight off and I will do it within a year. I will be running 6 days a week. Keagan and Bryton both love it, as do I. The weather is amazing and I already am starting to feel better. Besides the two massive blisters I have on the balls of my feet. I am really hoping they heal soon so I can get back out. Right now I can barley walk. I need some good running shoes bad, but they will have to wait, unfortunately.

Keagan is so happy outside, so it was a really easy day. We played outside for the majority of the day. Him and Jackson had a blast throwing sticks and rocks into the river at the end of the trail, and it gave Rachel and I a chance to talk. Got to love the Mommy time, that is a huge part in becoming a better Mom. I love it!! 

Lets hope these blisters heal up fast! I want to enjoy day 19!

Owies

First of all HAPPY ST. PATTIES DAY!!! Hope you all wore your lovely green and didn't get pinched.

Second of all, you know it is Spring when your kid gets their first owie outside.

We were invited to a St. Patric's Day playgroup. It was a blast, besides the fact that Keagan was being a little stinker. I was so embarrassed. Out here there are no fences, and Keagan loves that idea, Mommy doesn't. He was all over the place into peoples backyards. I was chasing him and he has 3 time outs. After his last time out, I was thinking he finally got the point, so I could mingle with my friends; He fell. They have a brick wall and he was climbing on it and fell and scraped up his whole tummy. He has some nice raspberries and it bleed for awhile. Poor thing!

After the fall he was just in pieces. We cleaned it up, but he was devastated. I tried to get his attention off of it, but he wouldn't have it. So we left. We were only there for a short hour. The whole way home was a melt down because he wanted to play, and was in pain. When we got home, he asked me for a nap. **shock face** I was hoping he would take one anyway because I knew he was having a hard day and needed more sleep. He got about an hour nap and was much happier when he woke up.

We were playing with some toys and he had a random meltdown. I asked him what was wrong and that he needed to use his words and all he said was, call PaMa. After a 20 minute convo with PaMa the day was so much better. 

We both are doing better! He doesn't have nearly as many tantrums and I am able to stay calm more. The last two days have been good! 

Looking forward to day 18!

Great day!

What a wonderful day filled with sunshine. We got out and went to the park, it was windy but I had missed the sun and outside so much. We meet up with a few moms and had a blast. We went home and ate some lunch then went to another friends to sew! I have been working on some elephants and actually the third one actually turned out cute. I am also working on making over sided floor pillows. They are part of the kids Easter presents. They are uber soft and so cuddly!!

Keagan was amazing today, he didn't have a nap but acted really good. We had a couple time outs but nothing like the usual.

Bring on St. Patties Day!!!

MIA

Sorry for missing in action the last couple days. Lets just say they were not very good. 

Saturday started off on a good note, but just got worse and worse as the day went on. That night is not a good memory in my Mommy brain. I couldn't even come on to post about it because I was so upset. I did however scream and cry into a pillow. I couldn't let out as much as I wanted, as I was afraid that I would wake Bryton up. But the little bit that I was able to get out felt good. Man that was a rough night. I really really really hope I NEVER have one of those again. I didn't think that it could get that bad. 

Sunday I tried to wake up refreshed, but because of the time change and my mind going a million miles an hour about the day before I couldn't fall asleep till close to 1 then Bryton was up 4 times, then kids were up bright and early. So I was tired, and not refreshed at all. Keagan also woke up with a really nasty cough and runny nose, so we had to miss Church.  It was a better day, but still not the best. Keagan had another awful time going to sleep, and I just wasn't up to par yet with being able to get on and blog about it.

Today was much better. I got some sleep and Keagan was in a really good mood. I also started fresh. Because of my lack of being a good Mom the two days prior, I decided that I am starting over and going to hit it harder than before. I focused on being sweet today. It is like I have to over do it. It is really hard at first but I am hoping that as I do it more and more it will become more natural.

Chuck is home now and so I am hoping he can support me and help me do the things I want to do and push me to do it better. 

Sweet 16 tomorrow!

Ahhh

I am starting to feel it. I miss Chuck. I will admit that having less laundry, and mess around the house is kind of nice. ;) But I really miss him. Only 3 more days.... I can make it.

Nothing super eventful happened today except that I BOOKED OUR FLIGHT TO UTAH!!!! That makes me the best Mom of all time!!! That means Grandma and Grandpa time, and there is nothing better than that. So I win the award for Mom of the day!!! Go me!

I also spent a lot of time with the kids playing tickle monster on the floor. It was great. I love watching both my kids laugh uncontrollably. There is no better joy than putting a smile on your kids face. One of Keagn's favorite thing to do with me is play air plane. All day he kept saying air plane soon, PaMa, PaPa. He is so excited!!!

Today was great!!! :)

On to day 13!

Spotless

Early to bed early to rise. Last night I went to bed at 9, yes folks, 9. I was half asleep when I posted my blog, and I crashed as soon as I pushed publish. I was woken by the pitter patter of Keagan's feet at 6am. Super early. I gave my self till 7 when I decided, okay time to clean. I had neglected my house for far to long. And I know it puts me in a crappy mood when my house is a mess. So I brought out the maid in me and cleaned cleaned cleaned. I didn't stop for over 6 hours!!! What a mess! I opened all the windows in my house and let the fresh air in. It was damp outside so it smelled wonderful. I love the smell of wet Earth. Weird I know, but I do. It was so refreshing to get everything clean. I didn't think I would do it, but I fought till it was done. **Gives self pat on back**

I finished cleaning right when the kids were ready for a nap. So I got to enjoy my clean house for awhile! It felt so nice to not have to trip over toys and laundry. Then when they woke up we got ready and headed over to a friends house for dinner. Since Chuck is gone she wanted to have us to keep us company. The kids played while we talked. I love that our kids get along so well. They get so excited to see each other. And it is so nice to have adult interaction. Things like that put me in a better mood and then I am a better Mom. 

I think every Mom needs to start something like this. Being able to reflect on everything that unfolded during the day and being able to see what I did, is so helpful. I will admit, I don't put everything down because I am embarrassed by my actions, but I will admit, because I am embarrassed by how I reacted and don't want to write it down makes me never do it again. 

I started this challenge at the perfect time. I have no idea why, but this age is so hard on me. Where Keagan doesn't understand and can't comprehend everything yet, but he knows enough not to do things but does them anyway. It drives me nuts! But I am being better about breathing before I react and talking calmly. I think in the short amount of time I have been doing this I have made pretty big changes. I hope more keep coming.

What already day 12???

3 down 5 to go

Day 3 of single Mom went great. I did yell at Keagan once and I felt kind of bad, but I am so freaking sick of him throwing things at Bryton. She was sitting on my lap and I was reading her a book and Keagan was pushing the stroller around. But as soon as he heard me reading he came over and wanted me to read a different book. So I explained to him that I would as soon as we were done with this one. Well he didn't like my answer and he threw the book right at Bryton's face. I am so sick of him doing stuff like that. It drives me crazy. He likes time outs so they don't seem to work. I put him in his room he comes out. I have even sat and held his door shut and he screams and screams. But as soon as I open it he is happy and back to it. UGH! Why does this age have to be so hard.

Other than that mishap today was great. I babysat a little girl in our ward for a few hours this morning and they had a blast together. We played outside and wrote on the sidewalk, we played with playdough and they took turns on Keagan's bike. It is funny to watch different ages with the same personality, I think I got a look at what Keagan will be like in a year. She is the youngest of 6 kids and knows how to manipulate. She is one year older than Keagan and it was funny to watch her try to get her way with him. They have the SAME personality, she was doing things to him that he does to Bryton. So he got a little taste of his own medicine. But they really played really well and had a blast.

After Bryton had a little nap I really wanted to go to a park. I got online and didn't really find any information. So I decided to just pack up and trust our GPS. I got in the car turned it on and went to like 5 different parks, they all SUCKED. They was either maybe 1000 square feet of a park, or just a field. I tried calling one of my friends to get info, but she didn't answer. So after driving for 50 minutes I was ready to give up. I pulled down my street and she called me back. I finally got directions to an awesome park 2 minutes from my house. I was driving in the wrong direction. And 30 seconds before I pulled into the parking lot Keagan fell asleep, but woke up once I turned the car off. I am still trying this no nap thing. Well I am doing every other day. And so far it is going pretty good. But he is still SO tired on days with out a nap, but I don't want to fight him. 

It has been 10 days and I can tell that my attitude toward my kids has improved. I am really glad I started this. I think that sitting down and writing down everything I did, makes me pay closer attention to my actions. It is also a good journal.

Can't believe tomorrow is day 11.

Cupcakes

Day two of being a single Mom went fabulous. I am convinced that Dad's make kids go crazy. I know it has only been two days but I have had both kids in bed asleep before 8:15. Usually it is a nightmare to put Keagan down, and we have to go in there seriously like 10 times. But not I, I go in do our nightly routine of reading scriptures, singing and prayer, and leave and he is out. I never hear a peep from him after that. Why is that? Is it because they don't see Dad all day long and when he gets home they just don't want to go to bed, because they know that he will be gone when they wake up? Is it because Mom is disapline and Dad is play? Is it because there are more bodies in the house and it always seems just a little bit more crazy? What is your take on that? Have you found that to be the case with your family? Life gets crazy when Dad gets home?

So I have had a few people thank me for doing this blog, because it makes them question, "Is that going to make me a better Mom?" And I can't tell you how good that feels. I ask my self that every day now. Sure there are times that I slip up and go back to my old ways of getting frustrated. But it is becoming less and less often, and that is all I can ask. I know I wont be a perfect Mom, what is a perfect Mom anyway?

One way I do know how to be a better Mom is letting my kids run wild outside. Today was another nice day here so we met up with a few friends at a park and let them go crazy. They had a blast! I think that is crucial to being a better Mom.... have playdates. That way your kids can go crazy and have fun, and you can have adult interaction. I love that Mom talk. :)

Another thing that I have found that Keagan loves and it is good bonding time for us. Is I let him help me cook. We made a big giant cupcake today, and he loved helping me make the cake and frosting from scratch, and we loved eating some afterword.

After 9 days of doing this, I can say that I know I am on the right track. I might get to the finish line slowly, but at least I will get there. 

Bring on day 10!

Single Mom

Chuck left tonight for New Jersey. So I am by my self for the next 8 days. I guess I will get a glimpse at what it is like to be a single Mom. I am not looking forward to that, and I don't think my kids are either. Both my kids love Chuck like crazy and get so excited when he is home, so I think it might be harder on them then it will be on me.

Today was great! No problems really, it was just a relaxing day. I opened all the windows in my house and it felt soooo good! It was nice to have fresh air moving around in our house. I was also able to get some of my laundry done.

I also took someones advice and did the no nap with Keagan. He did better than I thought he would. Is my baby boy really to big for naps now? He also slept through the night last night, I am really hoping that he does that again tonight, how wonderful would that be?! Tomorrow we have plans to go to a park, so I am wondering if Keagan will need a nap tomorrow. Maybe he doesn't need one everyday, but a few times a week. I don't know if I can grasp him being done completely. We shall see.

I am really hoping and praying that this week flies by. I don't like being alone. But if everyday goes as good as today went, I can't complain. Both of my kids were in bed asleep by 7:45!!! CRAZINESS! Lets just see how early they wake up. :)

Well I am going to crash because I have nothing better to do! Bring on day 9!

Lovely weather

There isn't tons to report today. Keagan did better last night. He was only up till 1am, still screaming. I am really hoping that it stops all together tonight. 

After Church we went and enjoyed this lovely weather we have been having. We went for a nice walk then stopped at the school up our street and let Keagan play on the playground. Bryton and I sat in a swing the whole time, she loved it. I think there is just something special about swinging on a swing, it brings back so many childhood memories. The sweet and simple life of recess. I am sad I didn't take our camera, next time. 

Today was Chuck's last day with us and I am super scared to be by my self for the next 8 days. I will no longer have that 6 PM break when Daddy gets home. I am really hoping that I can keep it together and not have a major breakdown.

Crying is good right? It always feels good after you have a good cry, letting out all those emotions. I used to love crying in the shower, I haven't done that in a long time. Sometimes I feel like I can't cry. Does anyone else get like that? Like you have so many emotions built up inside of you and you can't/don't know how to express them? Like your body is just going to explode? Or am I the only one? It wouldn't surprise me if I was. I have had times where I want to scream in a pillow, mostly just to see what it is like. But I really think it would help. I am just afraid of scaring my kids. Maybe I will try that this week. I think it might be a good outlet. 

How do you guys let your emotions out? I want to hear what you do. So please comment. I know you are reading, because I get tons of page views.... But no comments. Don't be shy. :)

Well I am off to bed before day 8 is here!!! Good night world. 

What is sleep?

Today was good, last night on the other hand wasn't. I have never in my life had a night like I did last night. I don't know what is wrong. Keagan was up till 4:30. He would maybe sleep for about 20 to 30 minutes, then start screaming again. And when he was asleep Bryton was awake. In the past 60 hours I have had a total of 6 hours of sleep. That is not normal. I knew my kids were killing me slowly. I had someone comment that I should try to stop naps all together. The thought of that freaks me out, but maybe that is just what I need to do. He is already super cranky, and I don't think he could get worse. But maybe it will help him go to sleep and stay asleep at night. I don't know why he has started acting this way. He started it about 2 weeks ago. It is out of the blue, and putting a huge strain on my daily life.

On the plus side, the weather was beautiful today and we played out side for a few hours. I am really hoping that the weather can stay this way. It is so nice so get out and see the sun for a little bit.

Non of my cleaning got done this week, because I can't even see straight. Hopefully tomorrow I can get a little bit done. I really need clothes. My laundry is so backed up, I hate laundry!!! It is the worst chore to do. Anyone have any tips on how to make cleaning fun? I really need to buy a CD player. I remember as a little girl my Mom would tell me to put on some good music to listen to while I clean. I need to do that, I think that would help. But I need to get a CD player first. I would do it on my laptop, but my speakers suck. :(

Chuck leaves on Monday for 8 days, and I think that when he is going I might go insane. So please call me and keep me company. I will need some adult interaction.

Good night moon, I need some sleep before I start day 7.

Baby laughs

So today wasn't bad. Wasn't the greatest, but not bad. I am super exhausted though. I feel like my kids are slowly killing me by sleep deprivation. Bryton woke up at 4 am. I fed her went and laid down, and couldn't fall asleep. Chuck woke up around 5:30 and it woke Bryton up, and she wouldn't go back to sleep till about 6:30. I finally laid down and as soon as I was falling into my wonderful unconsciousness that I so miss, Keagan opened my door.

So I have been up since 4 am and it is now 8:30pm. I have a wicked headache that wont go away. So BOOOOOOOO to that. I did really well with my goals for the day, so that is a plus.

We first went to the Library as we do every Friday, they have a little toddler class that is reading and music, Keagan loves it. When we got home I made some lunch and then it was nap time. I really wonder when he will stop fighting to take a nap. He is beyond tired. I put him down, but he wouldn't stop screaming. I got Bryton to bed, and went back to try to calm Keagan down. It took about an hour to get him to stop crying. I held it together that whole time. As soon as he feel asleep, I went and laid down on our bed, and Bryton started to cry. I went and got her and played with her for about 45 minutes before she was ready for another nap. I get her all settled and finally think maybe I will get a 10 minute shut eye. I lay down again and as soon as my head hit the pillow Keagan opened our door. I knew it would happen that way, it always does. The days I need a nap the most is when I never get them. Go figure.

Keagan and I played till Bryton woke up and we went for a walk. It was nice enough outside that we didn't need coats. There was a little breeze but nothing we couldn't handle. We walked and we sang and we pointed out lots of sticks and buses and cars and rocks. We had a blast. It lasted for about an hour and half. It was really refreshing to get out. I am hoping the weather stays pretty nice to be able to get out more.

I forgot to mention that in that 45 minutes that Bryton was awake I had a melt down. I started to cry and I couldn't stop crying. Every emotion hit me like a ton of bricks. I haven't really cried since being in Connecticut and today was the first time. I was so overwhelmed with all the emotions from yesterday and the past 4 months. I got on my knees and said a prayer. And as soon as I sat up Bryton started laughing. I wasn't do anything to make her laugh, she was just laughing. She couldn't even sit up she was laughing so hard. I really really needed that. The lord put a smile on my face through baby laughs.

Daddy will be home for day 6 so lets see if I can get some cleaning done!